I like some females...and I don't like some females...AND the same goes for males.
I think that women can get away with certain things that men can't...AND vice versa. But for this post, my focus will be on what WOMEN can and do seem to get away with in regard to utilizing guitars in their live respective performances.
To summarize: My prejudice knows no boundaries.
I think that covers it...so here we go:
There is something about female singers whom unskillfully play guitar that really chaps my ass. I am sure that it is insulting to all musicians...and yes, I believe that this includes males AND females that CAN actually play. There are even people out there--who may not even be musicians--that can recognize when someone isn't proficient with their instrument. (My ex-wife accused me of this once...and I don't even play guitar! Buh dum bum, cymbal crash!)
But seriously, why is it that some women can get away with strapping on a guitar--when they clearly shouldn't--just because they want to LOOK like they know what they are doing.
I will admit that I have also seen the likes of Jon Bon Jovi and/or Mick Jagger with a strap-on (uh, I mean a guitar) and I questioned it all as well. But there is something infinitely more disturbing (to me) about the particular women that I am thinking of whom have pulled this scam on the masses.
If that makes me a misogynist, then I can live with that, but I really don't think that this post is an attack against ALL women, per se. I actually think that it may just be something in the phony swagger--that seems to come with the strap-ons--that actually disturbs me. I think I can safely say that both Mick and Jon have swaggered in the same fashion...with OR without a guitar.
Now don't get me wrong, I know that there ARE great female guitarists out there...but let me save the best for last:
Up first, Madonna:
No offense Madonna, but I wanna see you play guitar like I wanna see Jimi Hendrix dance around with cones on his nipples. Um actually no, I did mean to offend with that bit.
Oh...and Slash called...guess what two items he would like back!
Next up, Alanis Morissette:
(No, my criticism isn't only saved for Maverick Records-based musicians...)
Alanis is clearly talented...but I am not convinced that she could EVER play anything on a guitar that sounds as bad-ass as this picture looks!
Apparently, she has played piano since the age of six, so I can live any live piano-playing that she wants to unleash on us.
The only thing that allows me to look past her inability to play some decent guitar, is her completely obnoxious harmonica solos - I bet the band tried to hide that f'n thing before every gig on that first big tour. Oy Vey!
I mean if I HAVE to choose...go ahead Honey, keep the guitar!
Yet another Canuck, Avril Lavigne:
Well, it's bad enough that Avril claims to be mostly responsible for the songwriting of "her" songs...does she have to add insult to injury by plucking along (live) to some of them as well?!
That Ronnie James Dio bracelet doesn't look bad on her. Ms. Lavigne is actually looking awfully 'Vanity 6' in this little number.
The music doesn't really match the look though, does it.
If the other guitarist's amp were to blow a fuse in the middle of 'Sk8er Boi,' I am fairly confident that the band would be forced to wait for the tech to fix it...and then take it all from the top.
AND...may KW present, Miley Cyrus:
Somebody lost their job over this one - 'nuff said.
Moving right along with the smoothest of transitions...as I (sincerely) promised you earlier--and just to prove that I do appreciate some women--here are several women that CAN wield an axe:
In no particular order, Joan Jett:
This was the night I finally took Joan home to meet Mom and Dad...
My Dad actually loved 'I Love Rock 'n' Roll'...we had the record when I was a kid....and it wasn't me that bought it! I think it was probably a promo from the department store that he worked at, but still.
Yeah, Joan rocks - I wonder if Kristen Stewart is going to mangle her portrayal of Joan in the movie The Runaways. Not that it matters, but I thought Kristen was attractive in 'Twilight,' but her acting seemed hit and miss throughout the movie. She was the one who kept reminding me that I was only watching a movie with cameras, "actors" and a crew. Considering the subject matter of the movie, the "normal" girl should have been the easy sell!
Next, Felicia Collins:
Felicia plays with The CBS Orchestra on The David Letterman Show. The band was previously known as The World's Most Dangerous Band so she MUST have some skills to (now) be in the fold! Those guys are all great musicians.
I wonder if Dave ever put the moves on HER...or maybe the band is considered Paul Shaffer's turf!?
Yet another gifted female, Nancy Wilson:
I can still remember my friends and I ALL drooling over Nancy in the video for 'Never' by her (and her sister's) band Heart. I can listen to 'Barracuda' and 'Crazy On You' nowadays and clearly identify a gifted guitarist...but back then, it was all about the bouncing cleavage in that video.
Hmm, I don't believe that Nancy's curtains matched the carpet in this shot. I wonder what is going on the OUTSIDE of her pants as well! Is that Elvis?!
Lastly--THIS POST IS ALREADY WAY TOO LONG--Lita Ford:
Speaking of Vanity 6 (earlier), along with Denise Katrina Matthews aka Vanity, Lita also had the pleasure of dating Nikki Sixx back in his heroin-fueled days. Man, Nikki wasn't just "scoring" with the drugs!
Lita's biggest hit, 'Kiss me Deadly' was never my favorite track of all time--not even close--but there was no denying that Ms. Ford could aptly manoeuvre her way around the fretboard of a guitar.
I dunno, maybe girls shouldn't become TOO accomplished on the guitar - Check out this video of Kat covering Beethoven meets 'Bark at the Moon':
Whoa.
KW
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